


Tell Me What To do.

by MySweetDeaky



Category: Queen (Band)
Genre: Blind Roger, Fluff and Angst, John is beyond adorable, M/M, Queen 1975, Roger is an angry angel, maybe some smut
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-01-10
Updated: 2021-03-02
Packaged: 2021-03-11 04:28:11
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,531
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28439124
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MySweetDeaky/pseuds/MySweetDeaky
Summary: Roger has lost his sight after a freak accident on stage and John is trying to help him get back to a normal life.Both of them are in love with each other but don't know how to say it.
Relationships: John Deacon/Roger Taylor
Comments: 6
Kudos: 21





	1. By the Beat of My Heart

John had been the first person to get to Roger after the on stage explosion. No one, at first knew what was going on except that the drummer had been thrown backwards, narrowly missing the above lights to crash down on him.

They had just finished the set and John was taking his guitar strap off when it happened and his first thought was for the drummer. Brian and Freddie were only second behind him as well as the roadies and stage help. The banks of amplifiers and sound equipment were still smoking and there was a noxious smell. For a moment John thought that Roger was dead. There was blood but not a lot of it. Roger's drumkit had been knocked over by the blast and the unconscious drummer was lying amongst the debris.

"Rog?" John could feel his own heart pounding in his ears. He wasn't sure if the drummer was alive or dead. He prayed to God to keep him alive so that he could tell him how much he loved him. He almost blurted that out but he felt the drummers fingers curl around his when he took his time and he smiled up at the others gathered around them.

"Someone call the ambulance please!" Brian was shouting. The guitarist crouched beside John with his arm around his shoulders. "He'll be alright, Deaks. Helps coming, yeah?" 

"I never told him." John kept saying over and over and it took Brian a few moments to realize what the bassist was trying to say. 

"You'll still get a chance, Deaky." He whispered but he was sure the brunette didn't take in what he was saying. Roger looked so pale and still. There was was blood on his face and a small cut above his eye. 

John stood up as the paramedics arrived and felt Brian's arm protectively arm around him.

"We'll follow in the van." Brian was taking charge and Freddie nodded as they watched the paramedics take the drummers vital signs and lay him carefully on the stretcher. They gave the name of the hospital they were taking him and John watched him being wheeled away, feeling as if his heart was breaking.

"Hi Rog" John put the things he had brought for his friend on the hospital room bedside table. " I brought some snacks and a couple of cassette tapes." He had to remember that the drummer couldn't see with the bandages around his eyes. He kept doing that. Saying 'see this' or 'see you later'. Roger wasn't offended but John wished he could keep a check on the words he used.

"Thanks, Deaks." Roger pushed himself up on the pillows and reached his hand for the water tumbler. John had to stop himself for giving it to him.

They didn't know if Roger would regain his sight or not after the operation. It had been two week since the accident and the prognosis was high that Roger would regain his sight. Tomorrow the bandages would come off but John hated himself for having mixed feeling about it. He liked being able to take care of Roger and not be told he was fussing because the blond really did need him. 

"Do you want to listen to the news?" John took the remote and turned the lunch time news report on.

"Yeah." Roger nodded and listened as the tv came on and John settled himself in the chair next to him. The bassist was so close that Roger could feel the warmth from his body. He had become so much more aware of everything around him. He could even smell the brunettes shampoo and soap that he had used. The fresh smell of his newly laundered shirt. It was comforting and for as much as he wanted to regain his sight he liked the alone time with John. He had never realized before how patient the younger man was. He never lost patience with him even when Roger felt frustrated and lashed out.

Roger reached over for the bag of snacks. Because he wasn't really ill the food for lunch wasn't really enough so John supplemented it with deli sandwiches and crisps and fruit. He felt in the bag and smiled as he felt the sandwich in wax paper. He held it up and John told him it was chicken. His favourite. He smirked and carefully unwrapped it. 

"Want a coffee from the machine?" John asked and Roger nodded. The coffee from the machine wasn't that bad and Roger missed his usual three cups in the morning.

John put the money in the machine and waited for two cups to fill. He smiled to himself. He was playing over and over in his head the day that Roger came out of unconsciousness and how his first words were "Where's Deaky?"

"I'm here, Rog." John had pulled his chair closer and taken the drummers hand in his. Freddie had been there and had pretended he hadn't noticed. A lot of things became clearer to him but he concentrated on the fact that Roger was awake.

"How come I can't see?" The blond frowned and John explained about explosion and the damage to his eyes. Roger seemed to take the news alright but that just made John suspicious. He was right to be. Roger had gone from sad to unbelieving to angry and back again in the past two weeks.

"Okay. It's just to your left." John put the paper cup down and sat dawn again in the chair. He smiled as he watched Roger nibble the sandwich and look towards the tv as if he could actually see the program. How he missed those blue eyes, though. The smirk was still there, though.

Roger finished the sandwich and reached for the coffee. He slid his other hand along the bed and felt John's fingers wrap around his. Neither of them had said anything the last two weeks. It was as if nothing was happening but it was. If anyone came into the room their hands were out of sight. The fact they never said anything to one another made it all the more sweet. It was a secret within a secret.

Roger felt as if his world had fallen apart. The bandages had been removed and he could barely see and even that faded into blackness. The doctor was saying something about another operation but all he could think about was how could he drum and not see. He wanted to scream for everyone to leave the room. Even Deaky. But when he heard them leave he was relieved John had stayed. He could smell him. That comforting smell. 

"Rog?" John finally said gently. "Are you okay?" He took the blonds hand in his.

"No, but don't go Deaks. I need you." Roger tried to smirk but he knew he'd failed. He couldn't even cry but a lump had formed in his throat and he wished John would hug him.

"I'm here, mate." John leaned over and he felt the bassists arm around him tightly.

Roger sat on the edge of the bed and waited. He'd been home 3 weeks and was getting use to moving about the flat. But he still banged his knee or foot and more often than he liked he would lose his temper with his friends. In the end, Brian and Freddie just left it to John who had moved his bed into the drummers room. At first, Roger felt as if he was being treated like a child but then it was nice to go to sleep and wake up knowing John was only a few feet away. 

But when the nightmares started it was nice that John was close enough to comfort him and to tell him it was alright. That they would figure it all out and get through it together. It was the together part that the drummer liked. It made his heart sing just hearing it. But they still hadn't said anything to one another and he wondered if they ever could.

"Rog, love. Wake up." John had heard Roger crying out in his sleep and slid out of bed to crouch beside the drummer's bed.

Roger had thought he was drowning. He was trying to get air into his lungs and couldn't and everything was black and couldn't lift his head. He felt weighed down. But John's voice brought his back as if he was at the bottom of a deep pool and was dragged up to the top. He wrapped his arms around the other mans neck and clung on to him for the rest of the night. The next morning they talked and talked and all the things they had to say to each other came out.

John looked into the deep blue eyes that for the time being were sightless but still beautiful. "I guess we should have said this stuff before." He held the drummers hand against his lips. The answer was a slow smile.

They hadn't kissed or done anything more than hold hands but there was an understanding.

Roger was frustrated and angry. The roadie techs had set up his drum kit but something was out of line. He couldn't explain what. It was so slight but it made all the difference to the drummer. Not even John could help him. He swept his arm and cymbals crashed the band stopped tuning their guitars. Roger was acting out again. It was starting to get tedious.


	2. Chapter 2

Roger

Fuck, now what do I do? I've just thrown a major temper tantrum in the studio and everyone has gone silent and I can't even see them. Are they still here? Did they just leave me sitting here like the idiot I am? I can't see them, They know that. So, is this my punishment? Where the fuck is Deaky. Do I call him? 

"Deaky?" Please God, let him still be here. I can't lose my sight and him. I know I'm a wanker. I admit to being obnoxious and sulky. Oh, fuck. I can hear him walking over.

"Rog. It's okay. Bri and Fred went for a break." John wrapped his arms around the drummer and pulled him up from the stool, making sure there were no other obstacles around.

"No ones here?" Roger whispered in John's ear.

"No sweetheart. It's okay, we're very alone right now." John assured him and pulled the drummer closer to him. The others would give them time so that Roger could calm down. He kissed him gently and smoothed his hair back. "You're shaking." He said softly.

"Sorry." Roger didn't know why he apologised. Everything felt so strange and he wondered if he would ever get use to the darkness. What if it was forever? He wanted to be able to look into John's eyes and he wondered if a time would come when he would not be able to conjure them up from memory. It took him a few moments before he realised he was sobbing against John's shoulder and he tried to pull away in embarrassment but the bassist was holding him firmly so that he couldn't budge. 

"It's going to be okay, Rog. We'll get through this together, I promise." John didn't know if what he was saying was getting through the drummer's despair. He couldn't imagine what he felt like. Playing the guitar was different but drumming? There were so many components. But Roger could do it if anyone could.

"Have the press got hold of it? Me being blind?" Roger hated the press. That was the worse thing about being famous. They went for every small bit of scandal.

"No, not yet Hey, you wear dark glasses all the time and anyway none of us are going to say anything." John kissed him slowly on the mouth to get his mind off the subject. "I love you, you know." The bassist whispered as if it was a secret and got an answering smirk back.

"I know. I love you, too." The blond took his sunglasses off so that he could give John a more passionate kiss. He forgot all his problems when they were together like this those it was only a few days ago that they had told one another how the felt. 

"Can we just stay like this forever?" Roger chuckled and John smiled hearing a glimpse of the old sense of humour.

"Yeah, lets do that." John held him closer and looked into the blue, sightless eyes. He wanted to tell the drummer how beautiful he was but it would have been inappropriate the way the blond felt right now. 

"I'm okay now. I don't want to give Freddie any reason to replace me." Roger turned but knew he had to have hep finding his way back to his drums. He paused, his back turned and then slowly turned back. 'Can you help me, Deaks?" He asked softly and John thought his heart would break.

John was worried about Roger showering by himself but he knew having help in the bathroom was the last thing Roger would want but in a way it worked out. It gave them an excuse to be together without causing suspicion. 

Neither Brian nor Freddie felt it their place to take over from John. He was doing so well but they could tell he was getting tired of making sure that Roger was safe just inside the flat because the drummer was trying to get around without help and still bumped into furniture and cursed when he stubbed a toe or knee. 

"I'll help you with the shower, Rog." John was pulling out Roger's clothes that he could change into.

"Geez, Deaks. I don't need help in the bathroom." Roger frowned and sat down grumpily on the bed.

"Sure?" John knew that the blond couldn't see the expression on his face. He waited a moment and watched the drummers lips turn into a smile.

"Then again. Wouldn't want to fall in the shower or trip on the soap." Roger still had his sense of humour.

"Exactly what I was thinking." John leaned over and kissed the blonds forehead. "I'll just tell Brian and Freddie we're booking it for what? Half an hour?" 

"Mmm. Should be enough time." Roger shook his hair out and put an arm out for John who slide in between the denim clad knees and held the blonds head against him with one hand. 

John was very careful to get the temperature right. Roger didn't need any surprises at this point. He felt a bit nervous about this. It was going to be their first intimate experience and Brian and Freddie were only metres away in the living room. He hoped they didn't make any remarks but the two old musicians were studiously avoiding the subject.

Roger had stripped down to his underpants as John led him towards the bathroom, glad they were out of eyeshot of the other two.

"I got the temperature right, Rog. Not too hot to start." As soon as the words were out John felt his face go red and Roger smirked and shook his head unaware of the colour change.

"S'gonna be hot for sure." Roger still had his sense of humour and felt behind him for the door and locked it.

"Good thinking." John chuckled and stripped off his jeans and underpants and watched Roger take off his final bit of clothing. He felt a little bad at watching him. He'd seen Roger naked plenty of times but it was different now. They had admitted they were attracted to one another.

"That feels good." Roger stood under the warm water and lifted his face to the shower as John put his hand on the blonds hip. He didn't need to but Roger liked it and moved closer to him putting his fingers on John's hips. 

Just the sensation of those fingertips on him made John gasp. He couldn't help getting hard in anticipation and held Roger close under the running water felt his erection against his thigh. A few nights aog he could never have imagined this happening. He wondered if it hadn't been for the accident on stage and Rpger's subsequent blindness if this would have happened.

"I'll wash your hair for you." John kissed the blonds forehead and reached for the shampoo gently massaging the drummers scalp and moving his fingers down the long strands of fine blond hair. He heard Roger sigh in contentment and felt the drummers calloused palms on his bottom. It was magic.

Roger couldn't explain later how intense the feeling were that he was experiencing with John. His senses were on total alert and he was giving himself into having the brunette take him over physically. It was new and something he wanted to repeat over and over. He slid his hand down John's thighs as the brunette rubbed his sensitive fingers into his scalp. He gently grasped John's cock, the first time he had ever done this and the brunette moaned into the blond neck.

"Fuck, Rog. That feels so good." John kissed behind Roger's ear and hit the right spot the first time causing the blond to tilt his head back for more. John smiled that he had found something to drive the blond a little wild.

'I want you." Roger whispered in the bassists ear. He knew they could hardly have sex in the shower when Brian and Freddie were so close but he had to do something and held John's body as close as he could and as they moved their groins against one another and used their hands, the friction was enough for them to quietly moan into a dirty kiss as they both came. 

Roger thought it was the best orgasm he had ever had despite the restrictions and let John basically hold him up afterwards otherwise he would have slid to the floor. John was the strong one, now. Physically and mentally and the drummer could forget his blindness and all that meant for a the time he was with hm.

"I love you, Johnny." Roger whispered. It was the first time he had used that name and the brunette smiled when he heard it.

"I love you." He whispered back and moved slightly so they were both under the water and then they kissed one another passionately for almost a minute. 

"I guess we better go or there won't be any hot water left for Bri and Fred." John ran his thumb along the blonds jaw. "Are you alright, love?" He asked softly and the blond nodded, laying his had on the bassists shoulder.

"Yeah, more than okay." He smiled against the warm skin and reached for John's hands to grasp in his. It was amazing that it took him losing his sight to realise how he felt about John and that the feelings were mutual. 

Fred and Brian were studiously trying to avoid the fact that Roger and John had been in the shower so long but neither was willing to state the obvious and had gone into the kitchen to make dinner and discuss the upcoming recording session.

"Do you think Rog will be okay?' Brian wasn't sure about the blonds mental state but Fred assured him.

"Absolutely." The singer was gesticulating with a wooden spoon and a bit of sauce landed on Brian's shirt. They both laughed and the guitarist moved a safer distance away just a they heard the bathroom door open and the younger musician's voices.

Brian and Fred exchanged glances but kept their thoughts to themselves. Both were grateful that John had bonded so much with Roger after the accident but knew they had to make sure that the bassist didn't take too much on but he wouldn't hear of anyone else helping the drummer right now so they let him be.

Roger's appointment at the doctors was for the next day and they were hoping for good news regarding him having an operation and regaining his sight. 

John had made sure the small heater was on in their room before they had their shower so now it had warmed up enough that Roger wouldn't be shivering. He put the drummers clothes on the bed beside him, sweats and a thick sweater and then got changed himself. 

Roger sat still for a moment and took a deep breath. He felt safe in the room with John but outside or without him as a different matter and one he knew he had to overcome. He didn't feel as sure of himself anyway near as much as he had before.

"Getting dressed?" John stood beside him and ruffled the damp blond hair. "Big day tomorrow." He added but Roger just nodded and sighed and picked pulled on his sweats and sweater. He didn't want to leave the safety of their room but knew he had to.

Later that morning they waited for the results. The shock was not that there was anything seriously wrong with Roger's eyes. They had healed. There was no reason why he couldn't see and they were sending him to a psychiatrist.


End file.
